"Problem Free"

The thing that separates us from people that we want to be near is the desire to appear to have no problems. We do not want people to find out that we are:

• weak,
• immature,
• strange,
• stupid,
• undeveloped, or
• broken.

So we construct a false self – a facade of normalcy.

 

Once we have established a false self, we have to maintain the secret. Then we start believing that our false "problem free" self is our real self.

Dating is often two false selves trying to be intimate. It is obviously impossible. Sooner or later our sham becomes exposed. The alternatives are then estrangement or maintaining a dysfunctional relationship.

If we could only get comfortable with being who we are and being honest in how we represent ourselves, then we would have a chance at intimacy.