Here are some of my recent random thoughts:
If you don't transform your pain, you will transmit it.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper: the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
Ninety percent of the fish live in 10% of the water, so if you are not getting any bites, sooner or later it's time to move on.
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
The heaviest weight to carry is a grudge.
If you want to make the world a better place improve yourself and help your neighbor.
Some people say "familiarity breeds contempt." Maybe not, but it sure does take the edge off of admiration.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Seven Property Laws
I have four grandchildren who are toddlers. I love my grandchildren, but toddlers are the most self-centered creatures in the universe. After observing my grandchildren for some time I am ready to codify the seven property laws for toddlers:
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I am doing something, all the pieces are mine.
6. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
7. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
Greed and self-centeredness are acceptable for children, but they look ugly on adults. Do you like greedy people? What about selfish, self-centered people? Do you enjoy hanging around them? I doubt it. If none of us like greedy and selfish people, why would we want to be one?
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I am doing something, all the pieces are mine.
6. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
7. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
Greed and self-centeredness are acceptable for children, but they look ugly on adults. Do you like greedy people? What about selfish, self-centered people? Do you enjoy hanging around them? I doubt it. If none of us like greedy and selfish people, why would we want to be one?
Saturday, June 2, 2012
What Wives Hear
Sometimes when men say things to their wives, the wives hear something entirely different.
For example, when a man says, "It's a guy thing," what the wife hears is, "There is no rational explanation for it."
When a husband says, "Can I help with dinner?" his wife hears, "What else needs to be put on the table?"
When a man says, "It would take too long to explain," what he means is, "I have no idea how it works"
When a man says, "Take a break, honey, you are working too hard," this being translated means, "I can't hear the TV because of the vacuum cleaner."
When a man says, "It's a good movie" it means there are guns, fist fights, fast cars, and sexy women.
When a man says, "I have my reasons for what I'm doing," he means "I hope I think of a good reason very soon."
And when a man asks, "What did I do this time?" he means, "What did you catch me doing this time?"
For example, when a man says, "It's a guy thing," what the wife hears is, "There is no rational explanation for it."
When a husband says, "Can I help with dinner?" his wife hears, "What else needs to be put on the table?"
When a man says, "It would take too long to explain," what he means is, "I have no idea how it works"
When a man says, "Take a break, honey, you are working too hard," this being translated means, "I can't hear the TV because of the vacuum cleaner."
When a man says, "It's a good movie" it means there are guns, fist fights, fast cars, and sexy women.
When a man says, "I have my reasons for what I'm doing," he means "I hope I think of a good reason very soon."
And when a man asks, "What did I do this time?" he means, "What did you catch me doing this time?"
Friday, June 1, 2012
Public School Teacher
Being a public school teacher is a tough job.
We ask our teachers to correct the students disruptive behavior, watch for signs of abuse, monitor dress, and instill in them a love for learning. They must check their backpacks for weapons and drugs, warn them about sexually transmitted diseases, encourage them about good sportsmanship, and raise their sense of self-esteem. A teacher's job description includes making sure everyone gets a balanced diet, is checked regularly for head lice, is observed for signs of anti-social behavior, and passes the state exams. Teachers are expected to get along with the administration and faculty, enjoy PTA functions, be respected by students, and communicate with parents. They are to work hard during school hours, grade papers and do lesson plans at home, keep up with continuing education, and live on a salary that qualifies them or food stamps.
What a job! No wonder they get the summer off!
We ask our teachers to correct the students disruptive behavior, watch for signs of abuse, monitor dress, and instill in them a love for learning. They must check their backpacks for weapons and drugs, warn them about sexually transmitted diseases, encourage them about good sportsmanship, and raise their sense of self-esteem. A teacher's job description includes making sure everyone gets a balanced diet, is checked regularly for head lice, is observed for signs of anti-social behavior, and passes the state exams. Teachers are expected to get along with the administration and faculty, enjoy PTA functions, be respected by students, and communicate with parents. They are to work hard during school hours, grade papers and do lesson plans at home, keep up with continuing education, and live on a salary that qualifies them or food stamps.
What a job! No wonder they get the summer off!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
One Does What One Can
There is an old Arab story about a young man who one day was riding on his donkey. He came upon a sparrow lying on its back in the road. The tiny creatures had two tiny legs pointing skyward.
At first the young man thought the sparrow was dead. But then he saw the bird move. The young man dismounted, went to the tiny creature, and asked, "Are you alright?"
"Yes," the sparrow answered. "Then what are you doing lying on your back with your legs pointing to the sky?" asked the young man.
"Haven't you heard?" asked the sparrow. "Soon heaven is going come crashing down to earth.."
"If it does" responded the Arab young man, "surely you do not think you are going to protect our world with those two scrawny legs."
The sparrow looked at him with a solemn face for a moment and then retorted, "One does what one can."
That little sparrow had a point. We cannot do everything, but we can and we should do what we can.
At first the young man thought the sparrow was dead. But then he saw the bird move. The young man dismounted, went to the tiny creature, and asked, "Are you alright?"
"Yes," the sparrow answered. "Then what are you doing lying on your back with your legs pointing to the sky?" asked the young man.
"Haven't you heard?" asked the sparrow. "Soon heaven is going come crashing down to earth.."
"If it does" responded the Arab young man, "surely you do not think you are going to protect our world with those two scrawny legs."
The sparrow looked at him with a solemn face for a moment and then retorted, "One does what one can."
That little sparrow had a point. We cannot do everything, but we can and we should do what we can.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Guilty
Texas once had a Governor named Pat Neff. He served the state from 1921-25. It is said that once a year he would go to one of the prisons to make a speech. Afterwards he would linger to speak with anyone who wanted to make a case for his early release.
One by one they would file by to tell him they were innocent victims of a flawed judicial system. But on one trip to a Texas prison Mr. Neff heard a different story.
The man said, "Governor, I don't want to take up much of your time. I just want you to know that I was guilty of what they convicted me for. But when my debt to society is paid I intend to live an honorable life."
Governor Neff stood up, turned to the prison warden and said, "I hereby commute this man's sentence to the time served. Get this guilty man out of here before he corrupts all these other innocent prisoners!"
Sometimes when you are guilty you are better off to admit it.
One by one they would file by to tell him they were innocent victims of a flawed judicial system. But on one trip to a Texas prison Mr. Neff heard a different story.
The man said, "Governor, I don't want to take up much of your time. I just want you to know that I was guilty of what they convicted me for. But when my debt to society is paid I intend to live an honorable life."
Governor Neff stood up, turned to the prison warden and said, "I hereby commute this man's sentence to the time served. Get this guilty man out of here before he corrupts all these other innocent prisoners!"
Sometimes when you are guilty you are better off to admit it.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Cohabitating
I want to report something I read recently in the New York Times, not exactly a conservative, Christian publication.
"Most young couples now live together as a safe first step before marriage," wrote Meg Jay, a NYT writer. "But research shows that cohabiting is anything but safe. It makes couples less likely to be satisfied with their marriages, and more likely to divorce later. ...Without saying so, women usually think of living together as a step toward marriage, whereas men tend to view it as a way of auditioning their partner while postponing commitment. As years slide by, the two people find that despite the trial nature of their relationship, they have become bound together by shared leases, wireless contracts, furniture, pets, and friends. Those who work up the courage to split find that the setup and switching costs are nearly as wrenching as a divorce. Others drift into marriage, while secretly wondering whether they have consciously chosen their mate. To increase your chances of a satisfying, lasting relationship, it is best to start with "I do," rather than , 'Maybe we will, and maybe we won't.'"
How 'bout them apples!
"Most young couples now live together as a safe first step before marriage," wrote Meg Jay, a NYT writer. "But research shows that cohabiting is anything but safe. It makes couples less likely to be satisfied with their marriages, and more likely to divorce later. ...Without saying so, women usually think of living together as a step toward marriage, whereas men tend to view it as a way of auditioning their partner while postponing commitment. As years slide by, the two people find that despite the trial nature of their relationship, they have become bound together by shared leases, wireless contracts, furniture, pets, and friends. Those who work up the courage to split find that the setup and switching costs are nearly as wrenching as a divorce. Others drift into marriage, while secretly wondering whether they have consciously chosen their mate. To increase your chances of a satisfying, lasting relationship, it is best to start with "I do," rather than , 'Maybe we will, and maybe we won't.'"
How 'bout them apples!
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